‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except a logitech mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Christmas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions and graphics danced in their heads;
And mom in her covers, and I at my desk.
We then settled down for a long winter’s nap,
When on my hidden IP cam I heard such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to get a hold of my taser.
I opened up Windows which is installed on some flash,
Clicked on my security system with streamed media in a mash
I saw the moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Which gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a creepy old man, driving a John Deer,
The little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I was going to be sick.
More rapid than eagles his comrads they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called his henchmen by name
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Steal their dish away! dish away! dish away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, seemed to mount the sky,
So up to the house-top the comrads they flew,
With the sleigh full of goods, and the strange leader too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard from the hall
Some prancing and pawing and then a great fall.
As I drew in my breath, and was turning around,
My wife held her taser and gunned the old man down
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
The bundle of goods he had flung on his back,
Were flung on the floor from the opening in his pack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! As he shook on the floor!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white and on fire a little;
The stump of his tongue he held tight in his teeth,
And the sparks encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, all around like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right chubby old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A rapid wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, because he was prone on the floor,
And then he filled his stockings with a foul smelling odor,
And laying down still his finger twitching a bit,
My wife gave a nod, and turned off the switch;
I sprang to my wife, as she pocketed her taser
And was glad then that she was so amazing
As the police carried him off and they drive out of sight.
My wife said….
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”
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